Thursday, March 31, 2011

Not Dread-ful at all...

ok, strangely this is a really difficult thing to write about. It's not been a simple decision, and yet it has.
I didn't wake up one morning and say to myself, "Oh, I think I'll go and get my hair put into dreadlocks today."
It was never a case of "It's just a hairstyle to me, there is no deep meaning attached to it."

See, my hair and I have a very long and intense relationship. As someone who suffered from very severe low self esteem issues for much of my life, it was always the one thing about me (physically) that I could always count on getting a compliment on. Even those who teased and tormented me in high school would always admit that my hair was pretty. Boys who otherwise ignorerd me, ridiculed me, or treated me as "one of the boys" would occasionally compliment me on my hair. So as you can see, it really became like a security blanket for me.

If I ever changed my hair, would that make people stop liking me? Would I ever recieve a compliment again? What would people think of me if I did something radical, that I've always wanted to do? What if that outward-expression of my inner self was rejected by those around me?

What if, what if, what if.

It's exhausting living that way.

Anyway, I won't go into the details, as those closest to me already know the important ones. Needless to say, I have thankfully come to a place of freedom from the what-if's - no one is ever totally free from them, but when you recognise their existence you can destroy them much easier when they do crop up. I've come to the realisation that as a precious, created daughter of God, the only opinion that matters to me should be His, and to strive to please everyone else is not only pointless, but EXHAUSTING. Did I mention how much it tired me out? Man.

So hey - I made the appointment, went in - and am so very happy with the results. I feel like this is part of the REAL me, the creative, wonderful, slightly wacky, fun me that was just beggin' to get outandshow the world who she really is!

It feels like being at home.


Andrea said...

Hello, just found your blog by wandering around this morning. Your hair looks beautiful, and what an inspiration to follow your heart! And what a beautiful little boy you just had! SO precious.

boho girl said...

they are perfect. you are perfect. i really feel your heart. and i see your beauty EVERYwhere. thank you for being true.